Testimony

I can’t think of a time that I didn’t know who Christ was. I was raised in a Catholic family and went through 12 years of Catholic schools. Although I stopped going to church after high school, if I was asked about my faith I always said I believed in Christ. However, I did not have a relationship with God and did not act like I believed.

Pride consumed me, being the center of attention meant everything, I was selfish, I was not very confident, and often doubted if I would accomplish anything.

That all started to change about 6 years ago with my in-Laws. They were never pushy about their faith, and we always went to Church with them when we would visit Louisville. I often said I would be willing to attend their church if we ever moved to there.

Well, do to layoffs at my work, my employer asked me to move to Louisville. Once we got settled my wife and I started attending church with my in-laws. I loved the worship music and sermons. I even started attending Saturday morning bible studies. My wife and I worked in the nursery, and church became part of our lives. We were baptized shortly after. I was hooked. Or was I? That seems to be the problem; I had still not really let God into my heart.

Then in Oct. 2002 my Dad was diagnosed with cancer. He underwent surgery in May 2003, and almost died on the table. My world went into a tailspin for the next few years.

I never stopped believing in God during this time, but I had failed to let him into my heart. I had numerous failed attempts to read my bible on a regular basis. Worship music that I loved became noise in the background. I was asking every time I remembered to pray, “God just move me, help me, feed me something....” My dad died July 9^th 2004.

So a little over 2 years ago I wrote these words, “You see, God gave us all plenty of time, and it is how we choose to use the time that can make a difference in our lives and the lives of others.”

It was the day after my Dad died. I knew I wanted to speak at his funeral, and that was the first sentence that I typed. As I sat there and thought about my Wise, Unselfish, Caring, Protecting, and Loving Dad, I wrote about how he valued the time he had on this earth, and used his time to be who he was, Dad. I also wrote this that same day, “Thank you Dad for taking the time. Thank you God for giving us a Dad who took the time.”

I was struggling with the thoughts of having lost my Dad, and I was slipping back into an old pattern of self doubt. I didn't think I had what it took to make a difference.

One night last spring God broke through. As I lay in bed, tears in my eyes, my wife trying to comfort me, the words hit me... It is OK.... What? What do you mean ok? It is OK.... What? To sit here and blubber like an idiot? It is OK... What? To lose sleep night after night trying to figure out if I will ever..... Ever what? IT IS OK.... To be mad that you can't turn to your Dad, it is OK to be sad that he won't be there when you walk into the house... It is OK to be happy... Happy what do you mean happy? It is OK to live your life. It is OK to stretch your limits, and be the man God wants you to be.... God was telling me IT IS OK....

I now have a different perspective on time.

Now I can say: Thank you God for giving me the time. God gave me time to heal.

God changed my heart, and this was the start of my personal relationship with God.

I feel a fire burning that fills me, guides me and tells me every morning, IT IS OK, I am with you...

Now how I lead my family and look at other people can only come from having Christ in my heart. I find myself doing things for others that I would have never done before, because I have also taken the focus off me and put it on Christ. What I know now is that Dad, even while dying of cancer was being Jesus to others, because he too had a relationship with Jesus.

Now I spend time with God every morning. As I walk through my house in the darkness of morning the knowledge I have of the house guides me so I don’t stub my toe. As I walk through this world of darkness God's word guides me so I do not fall. Sometimes though, as I walk through this world I will stub my toe.

God allows and knows I will fail, but he sacrificed His Son for all of us, so that we can get back up looking for Him to help us. He also gives us the power of the Spirit to enable us to succeed in overcoming our sin nature. When we succeed He celebrates with us, and is proud of us. I am now privileged to have a relationship that allows me to walk in the Light of the Word, confident in the salvation of Jesus Christ.